Amy's Journal- Putting the spunk in the junk

...

2004-03-09T21:23:00Z

because people that I don't want to, now read my journal, and probably over analyze, o wait they DO, overanalyze everything, I have a new livejournal, it's friends only. im me if you want to be added.

seriously...

2004-03-08T18:43:00Z

I think I am going to piss myself laughing...

sinfulregrets @ 2004-03-06T00:51:00

2004-03-06T06:04:26Z

My whole life I have had trouble expressing my feelings, I've never known how to do it, when or where. I just bottle shit up til it explodes.

hence a recent journal entry.
If you are looking for justification here, you won't find it. Like I said to a few people today. This is my livejournal, if you don't like what you read in it, then simply don't read it.

anyways a summary of what the post was before, and how it was meant to be taken.

I wish people did not have to be fake. That's everyone, not only certain girls, but when you think about it everyone wears some sort of mask, including me. I was getting fed up with the fact that everyone thought I was just a person who would make people laugh and didn't have anything against anyone or any strong opinions. I took 6 girls as an example of what I hate about the world. How the world is so materialistic, and how it shouldnt be. how we should be able to be ourselves without trying to cover our real selves. As for the hair color thing which seemed to be popular, Yes I dye my hair, but it's not to cover the dull color it was before. It's just change. I need change in my life. and I was not judging these girls by their hair color, but more by their actions, what i have heard them talk about, through themselves and other people. I am sure they have feelings about what I am really like too. In fact I know they do. I know all girls talk behind one anothers backs. Its a sick reality and to say you dont would be a complete and flat out lie, even my best friend who is like a saint does it once in a while. Anyways there was a reason I didn't put the girls names. It was just using them as an example to half the people in this world. If that's how they choose to be, then great, but I just feel like they shouldnt have to, I think when a great deal of money goes into making you you, then you should rethink it.

I am basically just saying, I think we should all sit back and take a look at our actions and ourselves, and find out whats not right in the picture. For me that journal post was something I needed to do. I needed to look through other people to figure out what was wrong with me. I think I made you all think I was someone who I was not. There's a lot that goes on in my little head.

So bad qualities about me:
-obsession with weight
-side note: I think i am jelous of half those girls because they are so skinny. it's unfair.
-slacker
-in need of constant change
-unnoticably introverted
-too caught up in my beliefs sometimes to take a look at someone else
- a fear of being myself around people
-slowly changing
-i watch people drink and never say anything hardly
- side note: the sex and drinking thing, I have a big problem with it. both were abused by people in my family.
-i care a lot about what some people think
-i could be a better friend

if you are going to post, please leave your name, i really don't care who you are, I don't hold grudges

yea

2004-03-04T18:42:14Z

So I decided to make an entry but it's going to be friends only.

yea

2004-02-29T23:08:54Z

so i dyed my hair again, unsuccessful. it was supposed to be like a strawberry blonde, its just a darker blonde. o well. at least its not purple, or orage for that matter..

last night I saw eurotrip, so so wrong. thats all i will say. after we say in the car setting off alarms in ra's car and watching ppl freak, it was funny, but we couldnt think of anything to do so i just went over to tims.

parents went to ny this morning, leaving a specific note for NO booze parties, haha being the non-drinker I am.
Jen and I skipped out on the passion and saw confessions of a teenage drama queen instead, it was really cute. I swear to god that lola,aka lindsay lohan is me. The movie seriously hit home, and it's supposed to be for like 3 year olds...

There was a girl I knew who always wanted to be the one to stand out from the crowd
Always believed that she was gonna live her dreams
Thats what went down was gonna come around
For all the doubters, non-believers, the cynicals that once were dreamers
One of these days you'll open up your eyes
And you'll realize

That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabee
But she'll have changed her destiny
Now she's a somebody
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself
'Cause she believes in nothin' else And you'll look back and you won't believe
That girl was me

Armed with an attitude that she knows how to use
She's gonna get there any way she can
Now she knows what she wants
No one is gonna stop her
Nothing's ever gonna hold her down
For all the doubters, non-believers the cynicle that once were dreamers
One of these days you'll know that you were wrong (who would know)

Life is a work of art- you gotta paint it colorful
Can make it anything you want
Don't have to stick to any rules
You don't need a high IQ to succeed in what you do
You just gotta have no doubt just believe in yourself

Doubters, non-believers, once were dreamers
One of these days you'll open up your eyes
And you'll realize

sinfulregrets @ 2004-02-28T14:57:00

2004-02-28T19:59:09Z

So last night I went to Tim's friend Nick's concert @ hp. they are really good. didn't stay to watch the kid from the soco show's band. Driving down was painful, lots of traffic, but some old man stuck his tongue out at me as a joke it was so funny. I want to be like that when I grow up. I made Tim drive back, there was no way I was going to sit through that again. So tonight tim's moms bday, eurotrip... and giving t her b-day present.

HAPPY EARLY B-DAY T!

im chewing my gum like a cow...

2004-02-23T23:29:07Z

my livejournal needs some pepping... I'll have to look into some teal and hot pink shiz-nit.

back to reality...

2004-02-22T20:12:54Z

Back from New York... kind of tired. for all you who are even remotely interested, here's a summary:

Sat- Woke up at ungodly hours (6) to get ready, then picked up sam at 7 and made awesome time to NY. 2 hours. So we were early, interview was at 11, so we parked the car, well tried. we got lost and ended up on the east side when we wanted to be on the west, i think. we couldn't figure out why the holiday inn had no parking, when the lady said it was obvious. then well we realized. then we checked in, went to my interview early. I walk in to like 100 ppl waiting. I'm panicing in the lobby, everyone goes upstairs at like 10:30, I waited a bit went up, went the the first room I looked at and took the first seat. well little did I know those were the first ppl to get there, and I had just taken the first seat, making me the first one up for the portfolio eval... which they said would take 2 hours in wait time. sweet. so I was out within like an hour. All went well I think, they don't say if you get in or when they will contact you, but the lady seemed interested. there was some oveachiever who brough 40 things (you are required to bring 10) Purses and jewelry she made (not supposed to do that!) and pictures of her art class and her with Donatella versace, trip over your heels girl (they were like 4 inches) and she had on a white buisness suit.
Then planet hollywood for lunch...
Then back to the hotel, should of taken us 15 minutes. HA! we got on the wrong subway (twice) and walked the wrong way like 80 times. so it took us a while. it was funny as hell. Then my mom went to get tickets for Hairspray and sam and I went to see the rooftop pool... it was closed. DAMNIT! then naptime... or for me phonetime.
Then dinner at tgi fridays where one guy was waiting like the WHOLE restuarant. I felt so bad, this one family complained and left to go see hairspray, later on we saw them, their car's window had been smashed along iwth a dented side. sucks for you, learn to be polite.
Hairspray was amazing... sooo funny I was 6 rows back so it made it even more awesome

Today- canal street.. now home..

how will i fit into FIT?

2004-02-21T01:52:06Z

So as I listen to my last 4 copies of my portfolio print out my paranoia has gotten the best of me. I think I have convinced myself I am going to fuck up... NO AMY YOUR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay well there is my skitzoness...

12 hours and I'll be on the road

...

2004-02-17T18:30:06Z

okay well school again is killer boring, to the point where I am about to shoot my head off, but then again I tend to enjoy having a head... yes the randomness I endure. Anyways I am almost positive I am quitting play... it drives me to the point of insanity. I had an anxiety attack over that yesterday. My mom said that if it is doing that to me its not worth my time. anyways I need a job. BADLY!... Thats all I feel like saying for right now anne marie is molesting the computer chair next to me. kinda amusing. AHH she's touching me! okay... it may be pregnant now. A chair with anne maries face. o god please remind me not to go to raymor and flannigan anytime soon. ps she owns a buisness and is dying soon, according to mrs kramer, so I get it. Settles the whole job problem.....
Anne marie has a penis. a giant one. apparently... Again, emensely frightened...

Weekend was boring... really boring except for the soco concert, well, that was amazing...
friday night... umm I went over to tims house and just chilled out, we watched there's something about Mary, I hadn't seen that in a while, so it was fun.
sat night... the most amazing night of my life.
sunday... umm sunday... O! 50 first dates with tricia chrissy and tim. I WANT A PENGUINNN and a walrus. then tim and I got wendy's.
monday. I slept... went to play, went crazy, then tim came over....

pretty typical- soco...

sam and I go to NYC next weekend... yea sammmm! you better not get seirously hurt in that wisdom teeth adventure, because we are going to HP....

wow massive ditz's in my study hall...

<3 amy

here's to the night

2004-02-15T04:03:52Z

tonight... god... simply amazing.

okay so sam comes over a little after 3 and we rush to finish the shirts for the guys. after we are done that we hit the road and get down there around 5, so I call Arvis, the tour manager, and he comes out and tells us he is going to take us to mee the band in a little bit. So Brian comes in the lobby and we give him his shirt, which he loved, and the cupcakes, which he was glad to have, well really glad, then arvis came out to bring us to the bus.

So we get on and Andrew, Clutch, Josh and Bobby are there. We give them the shirts, and they were all really grateful, they talked for a while, they seriously are the nicest guys ever.

the concert was awesome. esp when we got to introduce them. hearing ppl scream for you is amazing...

things amy is looking forward to

2004-02-11T02:25:39Z

feb 14- scoc!
feb 21 and 22- nyc with sam and FIT interview
March
5,6 ,12, 13 - play.. it will be over!!
April
3-12- EASTER BREAK!
23- prom!
May
7- I will be done AP ART!
28- last day of school!
June
3- Senior Sing!
5- Graduation!
6- London!

...

2004-02-09T00:02:12Z

I feel a long entry coming on. if anyone gets offended in the midst of it fuck off. i could care less.

I have been in the worst mood lately. I seriously. agh. I really wish i could just scream so loud that it would drain out all the bad thoughts that are sturring right now in my blood, traveling into my mind and reacking choas on my days. I just don't understand myself or anyone else anymore. I think i need to just sit back and relax, but then I notice I do that every day. I just am so tired. and I am taking my medication, but all I ever want to do is sleep. escape, get away from life. I tried to break up with tim, the best thing in my life right now, bc my self-esteem is so low, that i always think someone can do better. He makes me so happy, but I just wanted him to get away, and i dont. and I still feel awful. I made him feel like crap, bc I feel like crap. I never ever want to do that to him. I like him too much. And my friends. It used to seem like I had this amazing group of close knit friends. wrong The only ones I really feel like I can trust is tricia,de, and sam who isn't even in my so-called "group." and well maybe mel. I dunno people are just so two-faced. and the people know who I am talking about. there is so much I care about me, instead of looking at the fact that you may be hurting other people. so much drama, that seriously I think if we were all put in a room we would kill each other. I would try to hid in a corner. I can't stand people anymore. my friends are friggen... AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! there i screamed, not really. My appetite has gone to an all time low. i feel so sick when i even smell food, but I have to eat, or else i can't do anything. have to. that seems like something I have to hear a lot, either from myself or others. and i'm sorry. if i have to hear it from others, I want them to take those words and shove them. I will tell them they HAVE TO shut up. god.. seriously i am at the breaking point.

grammy's are on tonight. hopefully some inspiration for some fit sketches
i made an awesome shirt for fit.

yay.
sure
why not...

life just isn't too nice right now

...

2004-02-08T22:14:59Z

here's a little game for you. 20 things about amy. one of them is completely and utterly not true, it came from my twisted mind. which one is it? the winner gets a dollar. muhaha.

1) When I was little I would eat almost anything that wasn't nailed down. including a bee.

2)When I was 4 my parents lost me in New York City only to find me talking to some random people.

3)being the ungodly powerful child i was, I didn't want to wear a dress to one of my friends birthday parties and throwing a temper tantrum I ripped it down the middle.

4)I had a dog named wink. it was a one eyed cocker spaniel. it used to bite my ankles, so we got rid of it. the sad thing was, I tormented it with food and thats why it bit me.

5)The first song i ever sang in full understanding was that cocomo song by the beach boys.

6)I was an insomniac when I was little because I was afriad of the dark. I still am terrified of it.

7) because of that insomnia I had to see a shrink. the shrink died of cancer, my sister told me it was my fault.

8) I had my tounge pierced.

9)At 2 I fell off our dock in Aurora, I almost hit the boat host, but my dad jumped in and rescued me, I obviously couldn't swim.

10) I used to be very athletic. I played soccer for 8 years, figure skated, field hockey for 3, and swam for 3.

11)I learned how to ride my bike down hill. it was my dad's brilliant idea, I ran into a tree.

12) around 7 I backed our station wagon into the mailbox.

13)My mom was the first person to break my nose.

14) I have been to the emergency room over 10 times.

15)I puked in mcdonalds because I wanted to get to the playground and ate too fast.

16) In my kindergarten play I sang you are what you eat with a broken arm.

17) I was in really bad turbulance on my way to california which has forever made me afraid of planes.

19) I crashed my golf cart into a tree, and gave my sister a concussion.

20) I used to record myself singing and wanted to send it to record companies to try to be the next britney spears.

sinfulregrets @ 2004-02-06T15:45:00

2004-02-06T20:45:12Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

hmm

2004-02-05T23:59:50Z

THREE THINGS YOU ARE SCARED OF:
01 | death
02 | the dark
03 | lonliness

------------------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | tim
02 | my dad
03 | de
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | Music
02 | friends
03 | fashion
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | villa girls
02 | justin timberlake
03 | being taken advantage of
-----------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | why we were put here
02 | how everyone can be a country singer
03 | life
-----------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY (computer) DESK:
01 | bowl
02 | washcloth
03 | candle

------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | typing
02 | staring at the screen
03 | listening to the wanter run

------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | make a name for myself
02 | find true happiness
03 | help a ton of people
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | Sing
02 | Draw
03 | be me.

------------------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | sarcastic
02 | humorous
03 | unpredictable
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | dance
02 | not laugh for a day.
03 | work
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | Something Corporate
02 | Eve 6
03 | yourself.
------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | anyone else.
02 | O.A.R
03 | Anne Lenox
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | rocking
02 | sometimes i repeat myself
03 | random
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | tortellini
02 | chicken fingers
03 | scooby doo fruit snacks
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | chinese
02 | how to be truely happy
03 | the drums
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | water
02 | water
03 | water
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | kids incorporated
02 | gummi bears
03 | under the umbrella tree
------------------------------------------------------------
DESCRIBE YOUR..
[ x ] Wallet - pin. with a bow, and one of my kiss stickers.
[ x ] Hairbrush - pink, clear.
[ x ] Toothbrush - white, hot pin, electrical (i like pink)
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - my amy bracelet, compliments of doyle. my jelly bracelets, the neon ones, compliments of my best friends, and my beliefs bracelet.
[ x ] Pillow cover - blue with clouds
[ x ] Coffee Cup - yuck.
[ x ] Sunglasses - huge white framed ones.
[ x ] Underwear - haha let me look. black velvet boy shorts.
[ x ] Favorite shirt - too many.
[ x ] Cologne/Perfume - chance by chanel
[ x ] CD - how do i describe my cd. i haven't put one out yet.
[ x ] Tattoos - non-existant
[ x ] Piercings - none. a hole in my tounge and 2 in both ears. all closed up
[ x ] In my mouth - umm a tongue.. and teeth...
[ x ] In my head - well its like gushy, and brain like, kinda cobwebby.
[ x ] Wishing - this isn't describing anymore. but wishing. i dont know.
[ x ] After this - just lounging.
[ x ] Fetishes - hmm...
[ x ] Person(s) - ????
[ x ] Is next to you - a wall. and a hot wall at that.
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies - trainspotting, bend it like beckham, empire records, girl interrupted, a walk to remember, pretting in pink...
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - soco concert!
[ x ] The last thing you ate - fortune cooking
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - the dark.
[ x ] Do you like candles - LOVEE candles.
[ x ] Do you like incense - no.
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - ??????
[ x ] Do you believe in love - mhm
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - no
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - no
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - dunno
[ x ] Do you believe in God - yea
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - cremated and spread over cayuga.
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - myself.
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - a penguin!
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - haha i never went to sleep.
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - hell no.
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - a dime.
[ x ] What are some of your favorite animals - penguins pandas...
[ x ] Who is someone that you really wish was still around - my uncle joe.

yay...

2004-02-05T03:41:03Z

V-DAY LAYOUTTT haha ... adding the soco icon and vday colors....

anyways bad mood lately. i love you tim.

he's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone away.

2004-02-01T18:55:21Z

okay. well big news of saturday william might have left soco. my boy. come on now will. you can't do this. soco will not be the same. but at least they are staying together. I want to see if this rumor is true. if it is I will cry.

anyways in other news.
I hate mr. roper. I am sorry. come on now. don't take life so seriously. and hey, I want to talk. I will talk. At play. I went down and slapped all the boys in the plays asses while singing. it was fun. then i had some gas issues ... HAH! thinking of it now. I violated some 6 graders. ew. ew. ew. sadjklasd. but it was a joke.

and i got my own car. our cavaler. erin got a passat. a damn ass nice passat. but i like the chevy. yayyyy and I don't have to put 6 cds in the back to listen to one.

let's see. i think thats it.

Soco info

2004-01-29T02:09:14Z

Concert: Feb 14, 2003
At? : the TLA (south street)
Can I bring someone: yes. one person. don't ask your friends to give you their ticket, bc that will be less of a change that people will be able to bring someone
time: Doors open at 6, show starts at 7 ends at around 10
will the band stay and talk to us?: yes.
can I get merchandise at the concert: yes.
Is it open to other people and can people buy tickets: No.
Are their seats: No

Need to know anything else im me at musicismyheroln the i in heroin being an L.

....

2004-01-26T23:59:54Z

I've done a lot of life analyzing lately. It was well needed and I came up with a list of things I am doing, it's not a TO DO list, it is beind done.
1)Never lying again. even to my parents.
2)Never talking behind anyones back.
3)Never telling someone it's okay when it's really not.
4)Never putting myself before someone else, unless it is needed.

I also decided I am going to make my life fun. Be as stupid as possible. If it makes me happy then screw everyone else. I am also never ever touching anything that will harm my body again, for all you who know some of my problems, you know what I mean. Thankfully I have people who don't mind phone calls at one a.m.

I am seriously going to take some time to focus on my music and art again. Most of the stuff I had been doing was slopped together because, well I didn't care. I do now. I especially care about FIT so I am going to get to that.

I am going to shop well in NYC (had to throw that in there)

Overall, that's all I can think about now. I think its a good list for now. what do you think? well pshhh I don't care ;).

NICE SNOWWW DAYYY...

jesus

2004-01-24T20:07:08Z

so by now everyone knows the concert is the 14th. yes valentines day, the most commercialized holiday that shouldnt exist. Sure I have a boyfriend. Celebrate the night before and if you have a problem DON'T COME. seriously I am sick of the question can I bring someone.. NO! there are 600 ppl allowed there are 450 girls in our school plus teachers and chaps are like 500... so that leaves 100 tickets so NOOOOOOO .. sorry it pisses me off.

agh

2004-01-20T23:25:00Z

WHO WANT'S TO BALL TAP Y100?! me... I am so sick of them. Give us the fucking concert already. its the end of January, the concert is most likely the 20th of Feb, and well thats the father daughter dance and Villa needs time to rescheduale it. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! okay pheww... did I say I love something corporate... and mae. And mae the 30th at the troc who's coming with?

hmmm

2004-01-15T00:13:58Z

answer with only band lyrics... what band?! hmm Eve6? sure...
1. Are you male or female? "Superhero Girl"

2. Describe yourself. "Maladjusted just untrusted rusted sometimes brilliant busted."

3. How do some people feel about you? "Friend of mine stay alive
Don’t you leave me here
All alone in a world with a chronic tear
I will always be here, I will always be here
I will always be here for you
."

4. How do you feel about yourself? "Like Jessica Rabbit she collects bad habits ."

5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest.
"You make me
laugh at
My own
stupidity
And when
you're with me
My world's seen
differently."

6. Where would you rather be? "With you here"

7. Describe where you live. "stuff and clutter worries in my worried corner…"

8. Describe how you live. "I don’t even know what im lookin for
waitin for someone to come along and find me."

9. Describe how you love. "the now or never kind."

10. Share a few words of wisdom. "as long as im dreamin
everythings gonna be alright."

...

2004-01-09T03:00:40Z

do you ever get so tired that you can't even bring yourself to walk one step? thats me now. I have been going to bed at like 7 every night, how sad is that, but I am a cool kid, I promise.

Anyways after throwing one of the biggest fits a 17 year old could throw I am out of Renfrew. I couldn't take it. Alison says there is a time and a place to get better, and I can't get better until my family gets better. Agreed.

I got a part in the play. After Roper told me I wasn't allowed to be ther today, school orders. Dude how the hell did school know I was going the be there. JESUS ESP!

I got my formal dress in the mail. Since when is a small a TENT? Thank god for overnight mail!

I guess im going to see Valencitialfklsdklf tomorrow.. sam what is their name now?

Then formal saturday.. funnnn....

worddd

2004-01-03T05:36:29Z

Seeker:: Harry
Mirror:: Mirror
Fire:: Blower
Goblet::Fire
Empty:: Full
Secrets:: Manipulative
Defense:: Offense
Hatchet:: Ow
Vapour:: Gas
Ministry:: Nun
Exchange:: Foreign
Parental Advisory:: Explicit Content
Blowout:: Fuse
Spider:: Fun
Happy:: Sad
Intense:: Emotions
Corrupt:: Americans
Got:: Me?
Crude:: Milk
Three:: Four
Concert:: Addict
Sydney:: Australia
Shower:: Scrub
Patterns:: Design
Market:: Place
Chair:: Couch
London:: Adore
Reception:: Deception
Republican:: Psh...
Cough:: Lung
Taboo:: Yahoo
Poison:: Cup
1983:: John Mayer
Tim:: Love
Groovy:: Yeah Man
Italy:: Loud
Think:: occasionaly
Penthouse:: Playboy
Shelter:: rain
Twinkie:: fat